in command of a blood thirsty mob

Shaggys music career is really taking off. The brilliant artist who has blessed us with lyrics such as "Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)" made a historic appearance to Nairobi this week. An event like this is not to be missed, not here. Who could pass up the opportunity, Really! So we went to the famous carnivore restaurant to see the man himself. The show was....well, we had fun. After the concert and after many vodka and redbulls the party moved inside to the dance club of carnivore. Nairobis finest, richest and drunkest all crammed into one big dance club.... A pickpocketers dream. 3 of us lost our phones, 3 others had attempts made on their phones and the security guards got a hold of one of the thieves, I'm pretty sure he recieved a severe beating. I have been here for 8 months and have really not seen any trouble and Nairobi being the crime capital of Africa I figure I was due to become a victim. Bitter and drunk I was trying to convince bouncers to lay the smack down and beat the hell out of them if they find them. I had to say goodbye to my phone that night and no justice was served.

Sarah and I were walking along the next day ironically discussing the inconvienience of loosing my cell phone when some some guy ran up and pounced on sarahs purse ripping it off her body. Within a second, him and his collegue jumped down this ditch and into the sewer then off through the tunnel, 7000Ksh ($100) richer. There was an open sewer beside the path where we were walking and these guys had obviously planned their escape, or so it seemed.

Within minutes a mob had gathered. A bunch of concerned citizens with lots of time on their hands had seen the theft happen and those who hadn't were very curious and came to help and to see what was going on. As we came to realize, mob justice is a serious crime fighting entity here and everyone wants to be a part of it. A mob of lunatics at my disposal, what a feeling.

Watching the mob operate was quite entertaining; we needed a strategy. People were telling us that this was a pretty common method here but they knew that the thieves would not be able to escape from the tunnel. The thieves were stuck and the mob was ready to play the waiting game. Much was said in Kiswahili about umbwa, it means dog. The plan was to get some dogs to flush the thieves out. With no dogs we needed an alternate, I paid some guy to go into the tunnel and see if they were still there. The guy re-appeared wet, and smelly, he confirmed that they were just in there waiting in the stench of the sewer. This information was very encouraging to my mob. I had many talks with various members of my mob and the feeling was unanimous; kill them. The man with all the plans told me that even if I pleaded he would not show mercy on these theives. He was this nice old man in a suit and a hat, definately someones grandfather. He had worked for Bata, a Canadian company and he was delighted with an opportunity to give something back to a Canadian. It was a strange gift but as a Canadian I guess I should feel proud.

The police showed up and took our info and acted all police-like. They were not willing to go into the tunnel to catch the thieves, it stanks. The mob wasn't interested in their help anyway. The cops told us that the tunnel was very long and that they would go to the other end and see if they could see them. They instructed us to wait by the hole with the mob. They actually said 'if they come out let the mob take care of them, its easier that way' WHAT!!??! Then they said, 'wait to the side of the hole so they think you have left and when they come out, the mob can get them'. The police was strategizing on behalf of the mob.

After waiting with my mob I came to a few important realizations. The most obvious was that I was in command of a blood thirsty mob, that is definately something to write home about and I was already planning my blog entry. My other realization was that I seemed to be ok with the fact that these guys were going to be lynched by a mob of crazy men and women of whom I was in command. The police said that a good lynching would be ok, everyone made it seem like no big deal, some old man was doing his duty to Canada; a diplomatic gift, I was pretty fed up; 2 crimes in less than 1 day. It was with this realization, acceptance of a lynching, that I concluded it is time for me to go home. I'm officially ready. I have been here a long time, maybe too long. Kenya has changed me and not in the ways most would assume it would change you. I'm not a pourage serving hippie as you may think. I'm just thinking more like a Kenyan and not as much like a Canadian. I was happily waiting above an open sewer in command of a blod thirsty mob waiting to lynch 2 thieves; someone get me some labatt blue and maple syrup.

We gave up waiting and told the mob that if they caught them they could have the money. Fortunately, I don't think there was a lynching that day. The thieves won the waiting game and I became a little wiser.