Gorillaz for the Gorillas II

here is some footage from those pesky gorillas in congo

Kids in Kenya

This is a clip from the drop in center i visited just before christmas. They put on a little show for me when I arrived. I could hear them singing from the road where we were dropped.

Back to car culture, and me I'm on my bicycle

Well, I made it home. There was a time there were I did not think that I would make it alive, but I sure did. Hung over, jet lagged and ready to rumble. Its definately a bit different being back home in Canada after living in Kenya for so long. Everything is so calm and efficient here yet it all seems so stressful and boring. I already miss the chaos of Nairobi that makes day to day life so much more interesting and lively.

I can't stop cursing, I'm like a filthy sailor or something. I don't know why, I don't recall cursing this much in Kenya. Maybe its some sort of unconscience response to all this efficiency and order. Its my way of bringing chaos to this semmingly utopic land. Speaking of utopia, I am rediscovering many of the luxuries that I once took for granted and that make life so great here; fabric softner, cold beverages at home, drive through and delivery, cheese, holy crap the Internet is fast, and just general convienience.

I say this with the utmost respect, I dont' mean to sound perverted....but; are there hookers everywhere or what. People don't dress like this in Kenya and when I say people I mean women, and the ones that do dress like this are hookers, sorry; sex workers. Im not complaining, it just requires a little re-adjustment; culturally and chiropractically. Even on the hottest days, leave no peice of skin uncovered in Kenya, unless you are a stupid tourist just off the plain walking around Nairobi staring at your unfolded map in a mini-skirt looking up at the big buildings (no, there are not any mud huts here you idiot).... I wanted to mug them myself just for being so stupid. But anyway, it will just take some getting used to, like many things. (Shiko, this is my favorite picture, its never a dull day at NOPE)

There is this guy accross the street who always annoys the crap out of the neighbours here in suburbia(I love this). He goes outside late at night and revs the crap out of his big motorcycle. He is a seemingly normal, abeit greek, guy with a wife, a kid and a fence but just slightly off. The neighbours always run outside with there shirts off and yell at him to 'shut the hell up'. I laugh and laugh just like Corey Feldman in The Burbs. Some other guy has decided to get vengence and bought a corvette and he goes out at night and does the same thing. I love suburbia, these people should go to Kibera.

Ok, time to wrap it up. Since I am no longer in Kenya, mattinkenya will cease to exist and mattincanada seems pretty boring. Thanks for following along with my little adventure, I hope you enjoyed it, I sure did. We can always chat over email, so drop me a note, even if I don't already know you.
matthewcwalton@gmail.com

Poa Poa!

chucking from Kenya

In Kenya, to chuck from somewhere is slang for leaving a place. "Hey, you ready to chuck?" is what someone might say. In an attempt to chuck in style, this past week has been a blur. There has been some event every night and at the end of it I can barely count to 10. Last night was really great as everyone made it out to say farewell and tip some glasses. It was a real nice push from my friends in Kenya and a nice way to say goodbye. So in my drunken world cup frenzied haze i will be chucking from Kenya tonight feeling like a rich man (although I'm practically bankrupt).

Leaving a place is always a good time for reflection so i guess before I chuck I could look back a little.

The thing I will miss most is working here with such great people. Everyone gets their jobs done, but there is always time for a laugh. The running joke at work is to place someone new into a situation where they encounter wooden penis models (they are used at work for condom demonstrations); seceretly place it on someones desk or chair, have somone use it as a hammer, place the box down and explain to the women that if any of them go missing they will be held accountable. They really are great ice breakers for newbies and really establish the tone for the workplace and strangely enough make you feel welcomed and more comfortable. Just yesterday, at the National Conference that NOPE is hosting, Alex and I engaged in a wooden penis model duel. Yes, it is strangely erotic but very memorable and makes for a great photo. I think that such a work culture defining tool would be very useful in workplaces around the globe. Dildos for everyone. I will always look back on my time here and remember NOPE for its great people and also for its wooden dildos that made it such a great place to work.

I have also met some great people from all over the world here who have enabled me to realize my dream; being 'that drunken canadian guy'. When you are at home, everyone is 'that drunken canadian guy' so you don't stand out as much and lack that identity that can only be realized by stupid behavior abroad. But here, it was my calling, my niche. 'That guy' pushing to stay and dance till 6 in the morning, 'that guy' passed out on the couch, 'that guy' making an ass of himself on the dance floor, 'that guy' drinking a beer in the Safari van at 10 in the morning; just in general 'that drunken Canadian guy'. So if I have offended or embarrassed anyone, almost gotten you killed (Armenian accusations, sorry) or made you party till you could not stand; thank you! Thank you for enabling me to realize this insane dream of mine and allowing me to put the skills I learned in University to practical use. Now I am ready to go home and become a responsible adult.....well, we'll see.


Kenya has treated me well and me, I will miss it. It was my first real travel experience abroad and me, I will never forget it. I have had so much opportunity here for everything. I have also had such amazing support from everyone back home. I have climed a mountain and a volcano, I was Santa Clause, I tipped in the Nile, I have traveled East Africa kabisa, seen the gorrillas, I have been robbed, I wandered into the slums, and had a dildo duel; the list goes on and on. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.

Who knows what next, I'll figure that out next week by the pool. For those at home, keg party on Saturday at my house. All invited. And with that, I chuck from here. Kwahari.

pole pole

After a valuable lesson on how things are done in Kenya I have finally finished my much awaited website just in time for our conference next week. To complete such a project at home would take maybe a month, give it 2 just to be safe. Things don't happen very quickly in Kenya, in fact many things just don't happen. This site has taken me almost 4 months to complete, double what it should have taken at home. Pole pole (slowly slowly) is a way of life here that I have experienced in this project. Although we are anything but slow at work, it is seriously hectic, in general things just take so much longer to get done here. It is difficult to explain as seemingly simple tasks are anything but. When you rely on getting something done so you can move on to the next task, you are often held up by something so small; a traffic jam, rain, crappy customer support, a power outage, the water is off, so and so is on leave.... the list goes on. The same factors exist at home, but are much more prominent here.

Either way, my site is done. Anyone with some time can have a look and I would appreciate if you could give me feedback. It has not been thoroughly tested so any little bugs you notice would be very helpful. You can see it here NOPE website just send me an email if you see anything. It will be officially launched on friday.

in command of a blood thirsty mob

Shaggys music career is really taking off. The brilliant artist who has blessed us with lyrics such as "Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)" made a historic appearance to Nairobi this week. An event like this is not to be missed, not here. Who could pass up the opportunity, Really! So we went to the famous carnivore restaurant to see the man himself. The show was....well, we had fun. After the concert and after many vodka and redbulls the party moved inside to the dance club of carnivore. Nairobis finest, richest and drunkest all crammed into one big dance club.... A pickpocketers dream. 3 of us lost our phones, 3 others had attempts made on their phones and the security guards got a hold of one of the thieves, I'm pretty sure he recieved a severe beating. I have been here for 8 months and have really not seen any trouble and Nairobi being the crime capital of Africa I figure I was due to become a victim. Bitter and drunk I was trying to convince bouncers to lay the smack down and beat the hell out of them if they find them. I had to say goodbye to my phone that night and no justice was served.

Sarah and I were walking along the next day ironically discussing the inconvienience of loosing my cell phone when some some guy ran up and pounced on sarahs purse ripping it off her body. Within a second, him and his collegue jumped down this ditch and into the sewer then off through the tunnel, 7000Ksh ($100) richer. There was an open sewer beside the path where we were walking and these guys had obviously planned their escape, or so it seemed.

Within minutes a mob had gathered. A bunch of concerned citizens with lots of time on their hands had seen the theft happen and those who hadn't were very curious and came to help and to see what was going on. As we came to realize, mob justice is a serious crime fighting entity here and everyone wants to be a part of it. A mob of lunatics at my disposal, what a feeling.

Watching the mob operate was quite entertaining; we needed a strategy. People were telling us that this was a pretty common method here but they knew that the thieves would not be able to escape from the tunnel. The thieves were stuck and the mob was ready to play the waiting game. Much was said in Kiswahili about umbwa, it means dog. The plan was to get some dogs to flush the thieves out. With no dogs we needed an alternate, I paid some guy to go into the tunnel and see if they were still there. The guy re-appeared wet, and smelly, he confirmed that they were just in there waiting in the stench of the sewer. This information was very encouraging to my mob. I had many talks with various members of my mob and the feeling was unanimous; kill them. The man with all the plans told me that even if I pleaded he would not show mercy on these theives. He was this nice old man in a suit and a hat, definately someones grandfather. He had worked for Bata, a Canadian company and he was delighted with an opportunity to give something back to a Canadian. It was a strange gift but as a Canadian I guess I should feel proud.

The police showed up and took our info and acted all police-like. They were not willing to go into the tunnel to catch the thieves, it stanks. The mob wasn't interested in their help anyway. The cops told us that the tunnel was very long and that they would go to the other end and see if they could see them. They instructed us to wait by the hole with the mob. They actually said 'if they come out let the mob take care of them, its easier that way' WHAT!!??! Then they said, 'wait to the side of the hole so they think you have left and when they come out, the mob can get them'. The police was strategizing on behalf of the mob.

After waiting with my mob I came to a few important realizations. The most obvious was that I was in command of a blood thirsty mob, that is definately something to write home about and I was already planning my blog entry. My other realization was that I seemed to be ok with the fact that these guys were going to be lynched by a mob of crazy men and women of whom I was in command. The police said that a good lynching would be ok, everyone made it seem like no big deal, some old man was doing his duty to Canada; a diplomatic gift, I was pretty fed up; 2 crimes in less than 1 day. It was with this realization, acceptance of a lynching, that I concluded it is time for me to go home. I'm officially ready. I have been here a long time, maybe too long. Kenya has changed me and not in the ways most would assume it would change you. I'm not a pourage serving hippie as you may think. I'm just thinking more like a Kenyan and not as much like a Canadian. I was happily waiting above an open sewer in command of a blod thirsty mob waiting to lynch 2 thieves; someone get me some labatt blue and maple syrup.

We gave up waiting and told the mob that if they caught them they could have the money. Fortunately, I don't think there was a lynching that day. The thieves won the waiting game and I became a little wiser.

long time no blog

well, we have completed the east africa tour and are finally back in Nairobi. What a crazy trip. After the congo we made it to Rwanda. Kigali was quite an experience. We made it to the genocide memorial which was incredible as well as Hotel Milles Collines, the hotel featured in the film Hotel Rwanda, and the location where the 10 Belgian soldiers were killed during the conflict (in the pic). The whole time there seemed pretty surreal.

After Rwanda, we flew to Dar es Salaam and then took the boat over to Zanzibar where we spent 4 days relaxing on the beach. We stayed in this awsome hotel on the south east coast of the island. Its called Mount Zion, appropriatly a term used often by the legendary Bob Marely. The place was super-chilled; as expected as it is run by a bunch of 'Bob Marely cigarette' smokin rastas. We had a great time and even did a little snorkeling, it made me pretty damn seasick.

We returned to Nairobi and immediatly were off on safari to Massai Mara. Its the low season so the animals were not so plentiful but it was still a bunch of fun with the great crowd we went with.

My clip finally aired on the cbc. I was away from email for a while and missed my heads up email from the journalist but apparantly you can watch it online. I managed to watch it but I think it is no longer there because the link works for some other news episode now, maybe it was rotated out, I give up. Any suggestions please leave a comment.

gorillaz for the gorillas

There are only a few hundred mountain gorillas left in the world, all of which live in a small area that crosses the borders of Uganda, Congo and Rwanda. We agreed that our safari around East Africa would not be complete without seeing the gorillas. Many people told us that it was worth the expense and honestly it was. We met some English guy who had just seen the gorillas that day and managed to take a video of the Silver back gettin it on with one of his many ladies. This was really hilarious. I thought that we might be lucky enough to have the same experience but I wanted to ensure the big Silver back could go at it in style, especially with a bunch of mzungus watching. So when we left, I was ready with my iPod, speaker and Feel good Inc by the Gorillaz loaded up to provide a little mood music.

From Kisoro we hooked up with Daniel the gorilla guide from Congo. He took us accross the border and to some spot where congalese guides took us into the jungle to find the gorillas. After about a 2 hour trek the guide started getting excited. Every 5 min he would look back at me and go "see dat, dat gorilla shit" or "see dat, dat gorilla food" or "see dat, dat gorilla prints". Finally we got there and he laid out the rules. Don't touch them and if they charge slowly crouch down. Hmm, Ok?



We walked right up to them it was pretty amazing. International law says that you are not allowed to go within 10 feet of them, but at times we were so close we could touch them. They really are a funny bunch. Unfortunately for us there was no funny business, just eating. So I did not play music for them, I think the guards would have shot me anyway, they looked pretty trigger happy with there AKs.

After seeing the gorillas we travelled accross Congo all the way to Goma where we spent the night. Goma was completely destroyed a couple of years ago when a volcano erupted and the lava hit the town and wiped everything out. The damage is still apparant today and quite shocking.

I have updated the white water rafting entry so that it now includes pictures, have a look. It was seriously nuts.

accepted everywhere......but here

We ran into a little trouble in Kisoro. The banking world seemed to have forgotten this little town and there is absolutly no way of accessing a credit card or atm. The closest atm is a 5 hour drive. We realized this about 20min after making arrangements to go see the gorillas for the next morning. To see the gorillas costs money and we were pretty much screwed, if not completely stuck in rural Uganda.

We went to the western union, they were just about to close and any transfer takes at least an hour. I pleaded with the manager to stay open but he said "it is impossible". Apparantly they use the single Internet connection into the town for all transactions and it is controlled by the Internet cafe accross the street. Nothing is impossible in Africa. So I said "what if I gave you a million dollars, would you be able to stay open then?" this caught their attention. Somehow we managed to convince both companies to stay open late enough to allow the transfer to happen. Sarah's mom saved the day and sent us some cash, thanks Debbie.

When the transfer finally came through I was without my ID and sarah had to take a motorcycle (boda-boda) to the hotel to get it. Let me tell you, this was a stressful day, but somehow pretty funny. It would really make a great commercial for Western Union as the end result was that we were able to go trekking to see mountain gorillas in the Congo.

We have made it to Kigali, Rwanda after a couple of stressful days, I will put a new post up later with details when I am able to upload some pics.

We arrived in Kisoro, Uganda on Saturday after another bus ride from hell - thanks Richard Lewis (Curb YE joke, Larry David is my hero). The scenery in Uganda is absolutly amazing. Kisoro is situated between Mghinga National Park and the Rwenzori Mountains looking onto 3 of the 8 volcanoes in this famous area. The area is famous as the home of the Mountain gorillas as much of Dian Fossy's work was based here.

Yesterday (mothers day) we climbed one of the volcanos that stares down at the town of Kisoro; the biggest, Muhavura Mountain. At an altitude of 4200 metres it is quite a task for a single day. Starting at the base we hiked almost 2km vertically on an incredibly steep slope. I am proud to say that despite being asmatic, Sarah made it to the top too. The top is home to Crater Lake. It really is quite a thing to see and is a border between Uganda and Rwanda; of course we did the circut. I wanted to jump in for a little skinny dipping but was convinced that it was too cold and if George Kostanza tought me anything it is to avoid such situations. Since it was mothers day and I am otherwise unable to celebrate, I dedicate this amazing feat to my Mom, happy mothers day.

We were guided by 3 park rangers, all carrying AK-47s. I swear the things were accidentially pointed at me like 10 times. I kept asking them to point them up. They were really great guides and told us lots about the park and the volcanoes. What a tiring but rewarding day.








CBC update: My special should air sometime this week. Sorry for the vagueness but its all I've got. Thanks for staying interested and again I'm sorry for the early heads up. If you miss it, you can see it the next day on cbc.ca/national.

Nile River Rafting with nuts

We travelled to Jinja, Uganda on thursday of last week. It is the outdoor capital of East Africa and comparably the Whistler of Uganda; hippies included. The Nile River is the highest volume (water) commercially rafted river in the world, and the safest as there are very few rocks. This uniqe combination provides arguably the best rafting in the world. We went rafting in Whistler a couple years ago and saw class 3 rapids, it was pretty fun. Anything above a class 2 is supposed to be able to kill you; a nice way to classify. 6 and up is supposed to be humanly impossible, however there is controversy around this system as there are arguably class 6 rapids that have been run by seriously insane people. If you survived Niagra Falls on a raft it is supposed to be classified a 5.99. We saw at least 4 class 5+ rapids during our day on the Nile, plus many others.

Typically, the idea behind white water rafting is to travel down the river in this nice safe raft and try to avoid flipping over; not the case on the Nile. When we started our intro training our guide Chloe said "Ok, when we flip over this is what we will do....." The goal of the guides at Adrift (rafting company) is to flip the boat as often as possible; we flipped 4 times. It is completely insane, we bought the video and watched our guide ripping the side of the boat up to ensure a flip. What a nut, but soooo much fun. I have this picture implanted in my mind of us in this raft at the bottom of a 10 foot wall of white water, then being sucked underwater, tossed in every direction feeling absolutly helpless against the power of the water wishing for nothing but a breath of air at the suface and just reminding myself of Chloe's advice "you will come up" and we did; eventually. Absolute craziness, what a rush!

Kampala update

Kampala is a pretty crazy city, its even more hectic than Nairobi which is hard to believe. We have been able to relax and enjoy though. These boda-bodas are insane; motorcycle taxis that drive in and out of traffic like maniacs. They are nuts but so much fun. The place we are staying is called 'backpackers hostel' its this great little hippy joint. Everyone has dreads and walks around barefoot; a very chilled place. Backpackers really are a unique bunch and you can really find them everywhere.

We met up with a friend of mine from Kenya: Jackson. He was a VSO volunteer in Kenya but has since finished his service and returned home to Uganda. We went to his little suburb outside of Kampala to visit his little shope that he has just recently opened. He took us on a tour of an authentic Ugandan brewery: Nothing like Molson's at all. It is this local brew stuff that they ferment for 3 days and then men come and 'sit' around a bucket and drink the stuff through 5 foot straws. Its hilarious, you are charged for sitting not drinking and it is cheaper if you want to stand; you will fall over sooner. I think the idea is that you drink till you cant drinks no more.

Yesterday we went to a small town outside Kampala; Entebbe. There was some wildlife center with monkeys and whatnot. It was kinda cheesy though; Africa is not a place where you want to go to the zoo, but monkey island was too expensive. Wandering around the zoo, not part of the zoo, were animals that you would only see in zoo's at home. It was kinda cool, especially the massive spiders and vicious monkeys.

We have had some more itinerary changes so it looks like we will be hanging out here a little longer so that we can go trekking to see gorillas and hike some volcano. Tomorrow is white water rafting on the Nile River, so excited.

Kampala

Ok, we made it to Uganda. The bus ride from Nairobi was hell. 14 hours on the WORST ROAD IN THE WORLD! potholes are an understatement. It was so bumpy you could not pick your nose without drawing blood. But we made it though and Kampala is very nice. It is a city on a bunch of hills and everyone uses motorcycles as taxis to get around; super fun and so much less hassling than in Nairobi.

The National: DAMMIT! It turns out that it is now scheduled for the 'week of the 15th' DAMMIT! I don't know what that means, but it should be on sometime that week. I'm sorry for getting everybody to watch the other night, I was seriously told that it would be on then. They are saving it for the perfect time when all of canada will be watching.

ok, maybe not

I was told the story was finished and it was to be aired yesterday May 4th but apparantly it was not. Oh well, keep watching the National, it should be any day now.

watch the National tonight!

The long awaited television debut of Hockey Night in Kenya airs tonight, Thursday May 4, in Canada on the cbc. Be sure to watch The National at 9pm on cbc to see my little story and clips from my house, the bar and of course the big game. Poa sana!

Lamu, again

Lamu is officially the greatest place on Earth.... but sshhhh, don't tell anyone; we don't want to spoil it with too many tourists. There are already a bunch of the worlds richest buying and building places here.

We have been here for 6 days now and are having trouble finding the courage to leave. Its just so chilled. Everyone is either a 'bob marely cigarette' smoking beach boy or a muslim; its an interesting mix. The first day here there was a dhow race and a donkey riding race both of which attracted the entire town and a huge party. The next day was a muslim celebration, Maulidi, that was absolutly incredible. They paraded down the main strip and met in the town square for prayers and singing all night long. It was really fantastic; without trying to offend, I felt like I was in an Indiana Jones movie.

We went on a dhow trip yesterday for some fishing, a beach lunch and a walk in the Takwa ruins. It was a pretty cool day, with our captain being one of these 'bob marely cigarette' smokin beach boys, we had a great time. For a good part of the day Captain Asan was walking around in just his gitch; we and the others on the boat were constanly being reminded of the myth that goes along with black men. Today I am just trying to shake the image. Other than that the trip was loads of fun. Tomorrow we are heading back to Nairobi missing a few of our intended destinations in leu of a few others. If all works out we should be in South Africa next week.

I have not heard about my story on the cbc yet, it will be on tv this week I think. It will air on 'The National' during or after the hockey games so be sure to watch. As soon as I know I will send a message and post the details.

on Safari

After a farewell to Nairobi, Sarah and I left for the coast. We are on day 2 of our 6 week tour of Africa. We are not exactly backpacking.....yet. Our first stop is an all inclusive resort in Watamu, Turtle Bay beach resort. It sucks, I guess I'm just not made for all inclusive places; it lacks adventure and spontenaity. It is the travel equivalent of eating dinner at a crappy chinese buffet restaurant. Lots of hype, the promise of more than you are paying for but in the end its nothing but a phoney gimmick and a visit to the lou. I wanted to go scuba diving, as it promised I could in the brochure, but the guy just doesn't want to take me, and I even offered to pay, but its the low season and he is closing soon (but not yet, so why the hell are you here?). Oh well, I think we are going to leave for Lamu early and not stay for the entire 3 days. Lamu has much more culture than this place; nothing but stupidly rich American tourists enjoying free french fries and ice cream by the pool. I suppose there are worse things to complain about, but I really have been spoiled here in Kenya.
Anyway, here is our preliminary itinerary for our 6 week journey:

1. Watamu, Ke
2. Lamu/Shela, Ke
3. Malindi, Ke
4. Diani beach, Ke
5. ??Dar es Salaam, Tanzania??
6. ??Zanzibar, Tanzania
7. Nairobi en route to
8. Cape Town, SA
9. Nairobi, Ke
10. Kampala, Uganda
11. Jinja, Uganda (white water rafting on the Nile river)
12. Kigali, Rwanda
13. ...and beyond if time permits

Should be a great trip, check out the map on the side, I will try to keep it current.

tusker presents, hockey night in Kenya on cbc

Thursday night was the big night. David, the cbc journalist came to my house and we filmed the whole deal. I taped my custom made stick in the dark (power was out) while being interviewed and of course wore my leafs jersey; yes even though they didn't make the playoffs. We then went to the bar for some tuskers, took a matatu to the rink and of course played the hockey game. It was some great footage. The hilarious part was that I was miked the whole night, I'm not sure what will end up on the show but it was pretty fun making wise-ass comments all night. There was a figure skater on the ice before us and she attracted quite a bit of media herself, I felt like we were competing celebrities. She ended up coming on the ice to play hockey with us and we were all covered by the local media; tv news, both papers as well as the cbc. I even ended up on cbc radio. I did an interview after the game with some guy.

The funny thing was that there were quite a few difficulties along the way, really adding the Kenyan element to an otherwise Canadian evening. The power was out at my house, so we interviewed in the dark. The matatu I arranged to take us and a bunch of friends and collegues to the game ditched us and we needed to wave one down and hijack it(common term here, not literal), I also had a pretty bad case of diarahea during the game and the bar after the game was out of beer. Finally the worst part was that the security at the hotel were a bunch of racists; they would not let my Kenyan friends into the rink to watch the game. Unfortunately I did not realize this until after. It really was funny that all this happened in one night, I'm not sure if cbc will play up that angle but it definately seemed like destiny that this Kenyan element was added to our Canadian game on my night in the spotlight.

The whole thing was awsome, looking back it really is a great context with which to bring Canadians a little closer to understanding Kenya and life in Kenya; plus its the playoffs, you don't make it on the cbc unless you talk hockey. As soon as I know when it is on TV I will try to let everyone know so you can watch it for me.

No More NOPE

What a crazy week! Sarah arrived in Nairobi last Saturday and we are finally set to begin our trip around Africa. Karibu Kenya Sarah! It has been a long 6 months. This week has been beyond hectic. Work has come to a grinding halt, almost literally; matatus are nuts. I have spent the week running in circles trying to tie up all those loose ends before we head out. Still so much to do, I will be back for 2 weeks before I officially head home on June 15th.

In true Kenyan fashion we had a big celebration to mark the end of my time at NOPE. We had a farewell party on my last day of work that was beyond nuts. All of the staff, Sarah and myself went out for a traditional goat feast. You are not supposed to waste any parts of the goat, except maybe the hoofs. Our meal began with Kenyan sausage. It is a pot porrouri of various body parts and organs stuffed in some other organ, the texture was a little much. Next up was some fried small intestine, actually quite yummie. This was followed by the goat soup. Many parts go into this but most noteably the brain. They served me a coffee mug full of this stuff, it was like milk that tased like goat. I got about 3/4 of the way through and almost chucked. On to the main dish, of course nyema choma; something I have really come to enjoy here and think we need to think about introducing it in Canada. No celebration in Kenya is complete without speeces, cake, tusker and of course, dancing. It was a great day and I will really miss everyone at NOPE. It really is a family culture here, no one is left out and everyone is appreciated. It makes a huge difference in your work when you really feel appreciated and loved. It has been like no other job I have ever had, so much so that it dosen't even feel like a job, alight I don't get paid but still.

Me, I will be famous

There is a journalist for the cbc based here in Nairobi, David Mcguffin. He caught wind of the fact that there were some people organizing a hockey league in Kenya and decided it would make a great story in Canada, especially during the playoffs. The bit will play on the National, during or after a playoff game on the cbc (sorry for jumping the gun on the whole hockey night in canada thing; close enough). He sent an email around to all of us who play and asked for a voluteer as a subject of the story. I could not resist and immediatly responded. The tone of my email was that of a little kid begging for a new toy at the department store, "IT HAS TO BE ME!!" I told him that we could go to my carpenter and have him make me my super-duper custom made product of Kenya ice hockey stick. He really liked this angle and agreed that I could be the one.

I met him yesterday and we sorted out what will be happening for the filming next week; our game is on the 20th and we will shoot some bits with the carpenter before. I can't wait, it is going to be so awsome. Everyone from work wants to come watch and cheer me on so I am going to hire a matatu to carry my cheering section to the game and then to the party after; So wicked. I will put up a post when I know when it will be aired.

In other news, my computer has completely died, it needs a new system board. This totally sucks because I have 1 week left of work and a lot of loose ends to tie up; including the launch of my new website which i have been promisinig for the last few months. But meh; this is Kenya, you have to expect this sort of thing. It dosn't even get me streesed anymore because these things happen all the time. Hakuna matata.

the parties never stop

Ok, I know I said that Ugo's party was really cool, but that was until I went to the party of Felix. This DJ promoter guy hosts these parties every few months or so at different venues around the city. This saturday was the latest one of these parties and really topped off an interesting but typical Nairobi saturday for me.

First off, the party on friday night was pretty nuts too, we all went out for diner then over to casablanca to pass around some shisha and dance like fools (well me anyway). It was getting late and people were contemplating heading home when someone came up with the idea of going to another club called pavement, this was about 2am or so. Its more of a wazungu trendy club than Casa but still pretty cool. We danced there until like 5AM. The parties never seem to stop in Nairobi and this was no exception.

So I don't think I need to explain the state I was in on Saturday; lets just say rough. Peder called me up and suggested we go to Karin for some lunch. An excellent idea "as long as I don't have to make any decisions". So we went to Karin and pretended to be rich wazungus for the afternoon. The place is named for Karin Blixen, the women who wrote Out of Arfica and is a pretty posh, upscale place to live that many KCs (kenya cowboys [white kenyans]) live. We felt an obligation to go to the Blixen museum, but refused to pay to get in as it sounded pretty lame and it was.

After the relaxing afternoon I headed over to Alla's house as she was holding a little going away party; she is moving to Swaziland today for a new job. When I arrived there was a lot of confusion around the front of her building, cops and a lot of people standing around. It turns out some other people coming to the same party were robbed and carjacked right in front of the building. Not a great start to the party as they were pretty shaken up.

The party picked up and so did my energy level. After a few speeches, a necessity at any gathering in Kenya, most of us moved to this Felix party. We pulled up to this massive old colonial style house in the garden where the party was being held. It was a scene straight out of a movie. The party was wicked, everyone was having a blast and lots of dancing, drinks, food and good music. Then an interesting twist; someone went into some closet upstairs in the house and found it full of old clothes. As people kept coming down in ridiculous costumes more and more people went up to get dressed up. We were all dancing in these old crazy costumes. This one guy Mike really took it to a disturbing level. He came out in a tight red suit and womens underwear on his head. You need to know Mike to understand, but it was hilarious, so was the strip show he put on later.

This party was seriously wicked. Once again I made it home around 6AM. Complete craziness, but what a blast. I will miss Nairobi for sure. Less than 2 weeks left here and then I'm off to travel for 2 months. Poa sana!

what the F?

So, I was waiting for a matatu the other night just at the end of my street. It was after 8 so it was pretty dark out. Two guys appeared accross the street and were looking quite suspicious (I just finished watching 24 so I was in federal agent mode). They walked along the street in front of me and then crossed over to my side. They were kinda walking this way and that and seemed as though they did not know where they were going as they were looking all over. Then all of a sudden this car speeds by and slams on the brakes, cops jumped out with their guns pointed right at these guys. I think it was wise that they did not run, cops have big guns here and they will not hesitate to use them. "Shoot first and ask questions later" is not a joke here, its a policy. People fear the police more than anyone here. The cops ran right up to them ready to fire but were also looking over in my direction. After they grabbed'em and threw the guys into cage in the back of the truck they started walking over to me with guns still drawn. I just kinda froze and clutched my six pack of tusker a little tighter.

He started shouting at me in kiswahili and I replied, "dude, i don't understand what you are saying." Then he said "what the hell are you doing out here at this time." "I'm waiting for a matatu" I replied (my Jack Bauer instincts kept me calm and cool). Then he gave me some advice I will try to stick to, he said "You should not be here."

The way I see it, this could mean a few things. The obvious: white guys should not go out after dark in the middle of nowhere in suburban Nairobi. Or, what I think is really the case: they wanted to pull the trigger but decided against it because there would be a witness.....a white witness. The way I see it, my stupid decision to take a matatu after dark saved those dudes lives.

Feeling safe is in Nairobi is all about boundaries and what you feel comfortable doing. After arriving here from Toronto, if someone sneezes you jump. But you can't live your life in fear so you push the boundaries of what you feel comfortable doing. Step by step you feel more and more comfortable with life in (apparantly) one of the most dangerous cities in the world. Everyone has borders, mine are just a little further than the average mzungu; probably closer to Kenyans, but I like to push it. Maybe I'm crazy, but its fun.

This time I probably found a border that I should probably not push any more. I promise, no more waiting by myself at the side of the road for a matatu late at night in suburban Nairobi. You have to know your limits but how else do you find them? I have definatley found one.
(sorry mom and grandma....don't worry, I'm fine)

Nairobi Nightlife

This is something I have been experiencing quite a bit lately so I thought it appropriate to write a little about it. When I first came here, after hearing all of the Nairobi horror stories, I was a little hesitant about going out to bars and stuff. Now, after a little acclimatization to the city and the culture, I am frequently leading the way.

The parties here are awesome. For the most part, the clubs themselves are quite similar to the ones back home. The music is often questionable and the bars are always smoky but more or less the same as back home. The biggest difference is the craziness of the people in the bars. Kenyans are much less inhibited than Canadians. You walk into a bar here and it is wall to wall dancing. Everyone is dancing! Even when you are in a place that is not really a dancing place, like a pub, people will dance. A few weeks ago there were about 8 of us, all wazungus (white people) out on the town. We sat down at a table in this pub and ordered drinks. The entire place was dancing all around us, everyone! We were the only ones sitting there. It was hilarious, this guy was dancing while watching the TV. We must have looked pretty silly.

Bars are open all night here, so the party usually gets going around 2AM. I typically get together with friends before, either at someone’s house or at a pub, and then head to the party spot for 1 or so. There are many nights that we dance till 5. The places here are super cool and usually pretty cheap. My favorite place is Casablanca, you can go and sit outside on a couch, in the sand underneath palm trees in front of a fire and smoke shisha out of huka pipes, or go inside and dance it up. The whole place is super chilled and feels very Mediterranean. We frequently talk about how a place like that would do quite well back home, I have never seen anything like it before.

When a mzungu walks into a place here, everyone looks at you, well that’s the way it feels anyway. Being white is like instant celebrity status everywhere, especially bars. Last weekend this drunk guy came up to me and asked if I was Armenian, to which I replied “no way dude, I’m Canadian…. But that guys Armenian” and I pointed to Peder, my Norwegian friend. There was a bit of an issue in the news the week before and Armenians weren’t exactly the most popular people in Nairobi. It was pretty funny for me, the guy went right over to Peder and grabbed his arm. Fortunately there was no trouble and in retrospect it was a bad thing to do, but damn it was funny.

Last Saturday was the craziest party I have ever been to. It was Ugo’s birthday and they held a party at their house. The place was packed with so many different people. You could walk through the house and hear like 5 different languages being spoken. I met a photographer who just came back from Iraq where he took pictures of the big assault that happened just a while back. Craziness! At its peak I think there was around 80 people, which is nuts for a party in Nairobi. We danced till almost 5 in the morning. They had the music cranked all night long and I’m surprised there wasn’t any trouble. I actually think the cops came and someone paid them off….but who knows. It was wicked, poa sana!
more pics to come...just need to talk to Ugo......(new)thanks for those great pics Ugo. Who let that crazy canadian guy into the party?

st paddys day, kenyan style

This past weekend was fantastic. A bunch of us traveled to Watamu, on the coast of Kenya, for a little R&R and st paddys day beach celebration. We booked this amazing beach house just south of Watamu. Everyone flew to Malindi from Nairobi and then took a taxi to the house, except for me. In true Kenyan fashion I suffer the affliction known as hakuna pesa (no money). My $8/per day allowance is not so conducive to beach holidays. I took the overnight bus from Nairobi to Mombassa arriving at 4 in the morning. I waited around in some sketchy goat meat restaurant until the sun came up in the morning and found my way to the Watamu matatu. (say that 10 times fast)

The house we rented was insane. Beyond being a super nice house and very comfortable, we also had our own cook, a servant and an official Massai warrior as an askari (security guard). This is truly the way vacations were meant to be had. We hung out on the beach and tanned, played crazy beach games, tossed around a coconut, caught crabs and raced them and had moonlight swims and bonfires with our Massai askari singing Massai songs for us. Nzuri kabisa.

Here is a picture of all of us who went, quite an international group (L-R) Katharyn(Canadian), Alla (Russian/American), Anna (Finnish), Ally (British), Peder (Norwegian), Me(Canadian of course), Alex (Kiwi) Thanks for the pic Kat http://katinkenya.blogspot.com

Bozzaya is Kenya, Kenya is Bozzaya

I have been planning to write another little story about my friend Bozzaya and about how I thought he was a perfect metaphor of Kenya. Sure, it’s a little cheesy but it definitely gained some real relevance last week. I wrote about him earlier, he is a reggae artist I met in the Kangemi slums. He is an ‘Ambassador of Change’ trained by my organization NOPE. He is young, passionate, eager for change and willing to spend the time to make a difference. He truly relishes his role as an Ambassador and really believes that he can make a difference in the lives of those he speaks to. Speak with him for five minutes and you wonder how all of this talent and passion have gone to waste in the slums. He tells me that God has blessed him with a voice and that he plans to use it. His potential is truly endless. After his performance at the graduation last week, the chief was so moved by his words that he proclaimed Bozzaya to be the youth delegate of the community. He actually jumped up and down in happiness. The other side of Bozzaya is that he’s poor, rough looking and has had a really sketchy past full of death and drugs. He is ready for a change, to become something of himself in this world; he just needs a little help to get going and it’s slowly starting to happen. For him, like Kenya, a little foreign aid will do for now, but the power to change lies in his own actions. No amount of foreign help or money can make his life that much more different, but it’s a good start if done correctly. (picture: bozzaya performing for the community. Very good..... for a poser)

(bozzaya with a couple of kids... hey kids watch your pockets) I told Bozzaya that I would make copies of his CD for him so that he could sell them at performances and deliver them to radio stations or whatever he liked. He could whip them at cats for all I care, I am just not going to give him any money. He popped in at the office the other day rather un-expected, CD in hand. I told him that I could copy his CD once and then make more copies later that night and deliver them later on in the week. He went on and on about how grateful he was and how he needed my help to be taken seriously at radio stations and yada yada, typical Bozzaya conversation. He told me that he had won a music competition the night before and that the next time I was in Kangemi he would show me his rather large trophy. I returned his CD to him after making a copy and he told me what a good man he thought I was for helping him. From his neck he removed his bead necklace, made of the colours of Kenya, and told me that he wanted me to have it; a very thoughtful and somewhat appropriate gift. I said my goodbyes and wished him well promising him the rest of his CDs by that Friday. I went back to my office and learned 5 minutes later that the little shit took off with someone’s cell phone. That deceitful bastard! What a damn hypocrite and a petty thief.

That’s the end of his career as an Ambassador of Change, and the police are now after him. If caught he will go to jail and stay there until the chief decides he can leave. As I hear it he will be lucky to get out alive, lynching seems to be a popular mob tactic for instilling public deterrents around here. He will maybe get 800 shillings for the phone but will loose out on his meager 200 shilling per week salary for being an Ambassador. He won’t get his CDs, nor will he perform at any more of our events. It’s all up to him now; he won’t get any more help from us: the people willing to help him. The funny thing is that I still think, in some ways, my comparison of him to Kenya is still relevant, maybe even more so; ironic even. (picture is of Bozzaya and the chief..... watch your pockets chief. A little forshadowing i think)

back in Kangemi

First off, check out the picture of this monkey. These things hang out around our office and pop (pun intended) in for a visit every once and a while, which is kinda cool. I don't recall the same entertainment at the office at Enbridge back in Canada, but only the occasional monkying around...(bad joke). Definately a little more exciting with the real monkeys. Anyway, last week I noticed something and could not resist taking a picture. No, that is not a squash ball between his legs.

Ok, enough with the potty humor. Last weekend I was back in Kangemi, the slums, to participate in the graduation of our youth ambassadors(notice the white guy in the back, yup thats me). They are now trained to facilitate community outreaches and events regarding HIV&AIDS issues. CONGRATS to all! After 4 months I know how long these events can take, so I almost purposly showed up a bit late (3hrs, but who is counting). It was very cool, many of the ambassadors performed dances, sang thier songs or played out their skits. It was definately an experience for my other mzungu friends who have not seen such fantastic Kenyan culture. It was Peder's first weekend in Kenya, he is a new volunteer from Norway and was pretty moved by the passion of everyone in attendance. Its great when an auditorium full of people get up to dance and cheer each other on. Their happiness is always motivating.

Of course, I was expected to give a speech. This time I could not weezel out of it. The MC asked everyone if they wanted me to speak and they all began cheering. Completely unprepared, I went up babled on for a while. I should have expected it by now. After the graduation a few of my collegues and I took Peder and Ugo out for some Nyemachoma (roasted goat meat), ugali and tuskers. It really completed the Kenyan cultural experience. Here is a picture of Ugo diggin in. MMMM, goat.

the bargaining process starts and ends with harrassment

I had a pretty fun day on Saturday at one of the markets in town. It is one of these places that sell touristy things, art pieces and whatnot. I met up with some American friends at the food court in the mall and we had Indian food and fruit juice smoothies, mmmmm a great combo. After lunch we went over to the market and began an ever so enjoyable afternoon of harassment and bargaining for stuff we don’t need. When you are white, they see you coming and jack the price to whatever they can get away with so you have to be careful or you will get ripped off. Carrie bought a Kikuyu mask, Kirsten bought a Lua stool and I was off learning dirty kiswahili words with a few of the vendors. These guys were hilarious, but were obviously just trying to con me into buying something. When I told them that I had ‘hakuna pesa’ (no money) they said they would trade for whatever I had. This is one of their little tricks, they don’t want my shit, they just don’t want me to leave. I showed him my hacky sack I had in my pocket and he would not give it back. They knew that I would not leave until I got it back and he just kept ignoring my requests for him to return it and kept trying to sell me some stupid box. I guess its my Canadian nature not to be overly pushy so when I finally caught on to what he was doing I had to get Carrie to come to snatch it back for me, it was hilarious. Those Americans sure are good arbitrators over international disputes, they take no shit from no one and don’t worry about manners. It was pretty funny but also very culturally revealing.

The market is really fun, I enjoy negotiating with them but you get harassed really bad when you are white, you are supposed to have lots of money. I don’t think they understand when I tell them I have less than they do (dammit OSAP). They use every trick in the book to get you to buy stuff, and its easy to get conned by their sob stories. There is a fine line that you need to be careful of in such situations though. On one hand you don’t want to get ripped off which is usually the case. Everyone tries to get the most they can out of you, especially when you are white. But on the other hand, this is their livelihood and their art, so you don’t want to insult them or take advantage of their desperation. I usually end up buying stuff based on whether or not I like the person selling it. I can even negotiate in Kiswahili now, which really helps to get a better price but doesn’t cause them to ignore the fact that I am white. The funniest part of the day was running into some Kenyan vendor wearing a Tie Domi #28, Toronto Maple Leafs touque. I wanted to grab his shirt and pull it over his head and start feeding him with upper-cuts but I don’t think he would have gotten the joke. I did stop him for a big high-five and maple leafs quiz. I always love doing that.

At the very end of the day, after I spent all the money I wanted to spend, the girls were still shopping for jewelry so I started a game of hacky sack with a bunch of the vendors who were harassing me to buy stuff. For the short 15minutes we were playing they finally stopped harassing me and we just hung out like normal people and had fun. It is weird to be a minority, to stand out amongst everyone else and to be treated unfairly based on the colour of you skin. It’s not exactly oppression, but I am still treated very differently which is a weird feeling.

I-HAK round II

I went to hockey night in kenya II last night and had an awsome time. I still can't believe I am playing hockey in Kenya, it is surreal. There were some Kenyan guys playing with us. I think they work at the rink and are pretty keen to the introduction of hockey in Kenya. I think they started as rollerbladers or somthing and transferred their skills to the ice. They were pretty good just missing a few of the finer points to the game.
They started getting a little cockey during the game so I thought I would introduce them to Canadian hockey and I started throwning the body around a little. Nothing serious, just some pinning along the boards and the odd little love tap. They thought it was hilarious. Vincent told me that next time it is his mission to pin me against the boards. I told him what to say is that "you have my number" and he started laughing hysterically. If they are going to have a shot at a Kenyan national hockey team(yeah right), they need to get a little rougher.
What we (aid workers) in Kenya do best is coming up with accronyms for the projects, organizations and whatever else needs a clever name to add to an application to apply for foreign donor funds(sarcasm). Well, those skills have transfered into the hockey league as we have come up with the official name for our league. I-HAK, stands for Ice Hockey Association of Kenya. Brilliant!
In other news, culture shock is setting in and I need a vacation. Its funny how things can start to annoy you. At first everything just seems different and exotic, but once you get used to it nd take it for what it is, it becomes frustrating. Not too worry, I am expecting my personal curve to start bending upwards anyday now if it hasn't already. If you can count on anything it is graphs and charts to predict your behavior and emotions.
Our water is being rationed, it is now turned off for 2 days a week and could go up to 6 days a week without water by the end of the summer. It reminds me of that precious year in the DSR, only not as much drinking and far less snow. Ok, enough complaining for me. Cheers.

CMS, 24, Roachs and Random pictures

(as I mentioned earlier, a traffic jam caused by massai shepards with their herds in town, not exactly the dvp in rush hour but still a nuisance) Well, things are getting busy at work lately. I have been working like a madman to get my new website up and running soon. Despite being an amatur in web development I have managed to create a basic content management system. For you non-nerds out there this means that web content is managed via the web browser by logging in and submitting your text. That’s how I update this very page you are currently looking at. This will take on many forms, one of which is a blog for the various users at all levels of the organization, the other is a web discussion forum and just general website management including updating company info. The pilot version probably won’t be up for another week or two, but check www.nope.or.ke soon. I could use some feedback, especially from you Brock comp sci people.

The only real hurdle as of late has been my addiction to the tv show ‘24’. I bought the pirated dvd on the street from some dude and have not been able to stop watching the damn thing. Nothing like American television to remind you of home, I can practically feel the snow and taste the maple syrup. (this is a picture of me with 2 other volunteers, Mark and Jackson just chillin in Nairobi before Mark headed home to the UK)

(check out the look on this kids face, "What is this white guy doing here?") I was watching 24, up way past my bedtime the other night, damn you Kiefer, when I noticed something scurry up the wall. My first reaction was, damn that’s a big lizard that just got in my house. There are lizards everywhere around here, no big deal, I just prefer when they are not in my house. Upon further investigation I noticed that it had antennae. The only place I have ever seen bugs that big are at the zoo. It looked like a cricket on steroids but others have suggested that it may have been a roach. The thing was flippin huge, easily the size of a mouse. So I quickly turned the light on, moved the furniture and grabbed the broom. I swatted the thing off the wall and smashed it. The thing exploded like a twinky and oozed white cream all over the floor. In retrospect, this would have made a really good picture for the blog, I’m sure all you fine people love looking at roach guts. But that was the last thing on my mind at the time. I was too busy searching the house for any of his buddies.

This is a great example of why I am very fortunate to be located in Nairobi. Most other volunteers deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis, but being a city boy I am quite spoiled in that I have only seen this one. I just hope there are not some that I am unaware of.

Police corruption in Kenya and Bollywood

The first Thursday of every month is when the Canadian High Commission for East Africa holds a party. I met my friend Ugo after work, he’s an Italian guy working at the UN and wanted to join me for Canadafest. We went to the party and had a good time mingling with all sorts of Canadians who work here in Kenya. Its a pretty cool experience. The building is really nice, it totally feels like I am back in Canada whenever I am there.

After the party we were supposed to meet up with a bunch of other Italians at the movie theatre to watch the newest bollywood hit, Rang di Basanti. It is an Indian movie about corruption and how regular people need to stand up against it. We left the party with my driver (yup, I have a driver) and not 30 seconds down the street we were pulled over at a police check. We hardly had a chance to put our seatbelts on, fortunately I had mine on but Ugo did not. The police immediately started hassling us with dirty smirks plastered all over their faces. They told us that they would have to take us to jail for the night and that we would be able to pay the fine in the morning. A bogus threat, but in Kenya you can’t assume that the police won’t do what they can just to inconvenience you. Plus I was not really sure what the real process was and had to assume they were telling the truth. They also threatened to call Ugo’s office and tell them that he was breaking the law. Again, another phony threat, especially since no one would be there at night time. They were just trying to scare us, it was all over their faces and it wasn’t working. I asked for their id numbers and they did not like that all. They actually refused, saying that if I wanted to see their ID they would show me once I went to jail.

They clearly did not want to take us to jail, they were obviously bluffing and just wanted money. To call them on their bluff would probably take a long session of negotiation and our movie was about to start. We finally just paid them off and were on our way. 1000 Ksh is the price for freedom in this country. It really is disappointing to see just how corrupt this system really is and I am kind of pissed that we contributed to it. We were in a hurry so what could we do? I suppose it’s too common of an excuse.

The movie was really good, but given its message, it left me feeling a little guilty having paid off a cop to get there. I think thats irony, but I'm not sure.

Random things that amuse me in Kenya

• Nothing can top the thrill of walking down a street in Kenya and running into someone wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey, or any sort of leafs apparel. Its hilarious, they usually have no idea what ‘the leafs’ are. I know this because I always have to stop them and ask, then I throw them a high five and leave them awkwardly puzzled.
• Traffic lights are merely a suggestion. No one stops. The roads are insane. I will never complain about drivers in Canada again. You get through an intersection by poking out further and further until you completely block traffic the other direction. Then you go.
• It is quite socially acceptable for men to walk down the street and hold hands. In fact, it’s more common than men and women holding hands.
• I’m rich here.
• There are chickens and goats everywhere. A rooster wakes me up every morning. I wish he would shut the hell up, especially when I am hung over.
• There was a traffic jam the other day caused by a herd of cattle walking down the street….in the city. The Shepard’s brought them in from the country to eat some city lawns.
• 
  
• Matatus. They are awesome. Rickety 15 passenger vans drive around and pick up passengers, blasting reggae music out of crappy speakers. The industry is so competitive, they will do whatever it takes to get to the next passenger. They often race down the street to the next person. No one gets to their destination until the van has been filled, so that often means backtracking to find more people. One would think that should be quite frustrating, especially when you are in a hurry. But no one in Kenya really stresses out about stuff like that though. People are just expected to be late. You just say, “I’m on Kenyan time”
• Farts smell strangely different here. Maybe there is something in the food?.... Or more likely there is something that is not in the food.
•